A long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, I was childless.
I recognize that 8 years was not so very long ago...but in the words of the Globe and Mail, Perspective is everything. (or to be more specific, the Advertising/Marketing folks *hired* by the Globe and Mail)
Harald and I had been married for more than 7 years when we decided to grow our family. With all of the learning-to-live-with-each-other stuff behind us, we spent a good deal of our time during my pregnancy talking about (and agreeing about) the kind of parents we wanted to be.
I have learned that no matter how much you try to prepare, you are never ready for parenthood. I believe in the power of 3, so even though we discussed a long list of possible parenting choices, I mentally settled on my top 3. In my childless innocence I promised to stay true to these three tenets.
1. No spit wipes.
(I am happy to report that Gareth has just turned 7 and I have not yet caved-in to this baser instinct)
2. Regardless of gender, condoms were going to be stocked in the main bathroom before our children would be old enough to need them. AND the supply would be bottomless.
(this point will likely see further exploration in a future entry)
3. Any question our children asked would get an answer. "Because I said so." and "That is grown-up stuff" are not acceptable answers. If they were old enough to ask the question, they deserved a truthful, age-appropriate, non-weasely answer.
(Oh what a minefield this one has proven to be)
One Saturday night a few weeks ago, Harald had gone to the movies with some friends so I was home alone with the kids. (I had no interest in the film so was perfectly happy to give it a pass). Unfortunately, I had recently suffered a freak accident and was recovering from cracked ribs. This meant that the activity level was necessarily low.
The kids and I were sitting in my bed and talking while playing computer games. Gareth and I were sharing a game of SNOOD and Charlotte was happy to watch and chat. Gareth sat to my left, Charlie on my right.
As is often the case with this game, my ricochet did not hit its target and instead blocked the gap. Gareth punched his knee and said, "awww sh..." just sounds, no words. Then, "whew, I nearly said a bad word"
Oh Happy Day!!! After 7 years I *finally* got evidence that he has an inner voice that can stop him before he does something he already knows will get him in trouble. If Harald hadn't been in a movie theatre I would have called his cell phone to share the news. I was so proud.
Then Charlotte asked him, "What bad word?"
"S. H. I. T." he spelled it.
He spelled it!! I could hardly believe it. His inner voice was still talking and he was listening. I continued to play SNOOD.
Then it happenned. 4 year-old Charlotte started to sound out the word.
"SSSSSSSSSSSSS.....Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh......i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"
"SSSSSSSSSSSSS.....Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh......i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"
"SSSSSSSSSSSSS.....Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh......i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"
"SSSSSSSSSSSSS.....Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh......i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"
Then she smacked herself on the head and began again.
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh"
then louder
"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....i i .....Tuh Tuh"
still louder
"Shhhhhhh....i ....Tuh Tuh"
even louder
"Sh... i .....Tuh Tuh"
then she got it
"SHIT!!!! What does that mean?"
For me, this was the parenting equivalent of clicking a square in minesweeper and having a number 8 appear. Any move I made was going to blow me to smithereens.
The only thing that saved me here was that she asked the question to Gareth. So he got to give her an answer.
"Charlooootttttte!! Don't say that. It's a bad word."
How wonderful for me that he had an age appropriate answer. More wonderful was that she did not counter with, "Why?"
What did I learn that day?
7 year-old Gareth really-truly knows better than to swear in front of me. (Hooray!!)
4 year-old Charlotte can visualize a word that she hears spelled and then sound it out. (We are sooooo doomed)
Gareth is prepared to help keep Charlotte out of harms way...even if that harm is mummy (this is a double-edged sword, to-be-sure)
Otis Redding had point. When you need to sit and rest your bones, you can just sit on that dock on the bay and watch the tide roll away. If I had entered a discussion about "swear words" I would have been carried away by a tsunami of questions. This was not a subject where I would have been able to wade in and test the water. I was not prepared to be all-in...but I had better get prepared soon.
nb. 4 days later I chose not to correct Gareth's spelling when he told me, "One of the kids at school keeps saying F. U. K. when we are in playground."