Michaela - Thoughts

No more spelling in front of the children

A long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, I was childless.

I recognize that 8 years was not so very long ago...but in the words of the Globe and Mail, Perspective is everything. (or to be more specific, the Advertising/Marketing folks *hired* by the Globe and Mail)

Harald and I had been married for more than 7 years when we decided to grow our family. With all of the learning-to-live-with-each-other stuff behind us, we spent a good deal of our time during my pregnancy talking about (and agreeing about) the kind of parents we wanted to be.

I have learned that no matter how much you try to prepare, you are never ready for parenthood. I believe in the power of 3, so even though we discussed a long list of possible parenting choices, I mentally settled on my top 3. In my childless innocence I promised to stay true to these three tenets.

1. No spit wipes.

(I am happy to report that Gareth has just turned 7 and I have not yet caved-in to this baser instinct)

2. Regardless of gender, condoms were going to be stocked in the main bathroom before our children would be old enough to need them. AND the supply would be bottomless.

(this point will likely see further exploration in a future entry)

3. Any question our children asked would get an answer. "Because I said so." and "That is grown-up stuff" are not acceptable answers. If they were old enough to ask the question, they deserved a truthful, age-appropriate, non-weasely answer.

(Oh what a minefield this one has proven to be)

One Saturday night a few weeks ago, Harald had gone to the movies with some friends so I was home alone with the kids. (I had no interest in the film so was perfectly happy to give it a pass). Unfortunately, I had recently suffered a freak accident and was recovering from cracked ribs. This meant that the activity level was necessarily low.

The kids and I were sitting in my bed and talking while playing computer games. Gareth and I were sharing a game of SNOOD and Charlotte was happy to watch and chat. Gareth sat to my left, Charlie on my right.

As is often the case with this game, my ricochet did not hit its target and instead blocked the gap. Gareth punched his knee and said, "awww sh..." just sounds, no words. Then, "whew, I nearly said a bad word"

Oh Happy Day!!! After 7 years I *finally* got evidence that he has an inner voice that can stop him before he does something he already knows will get him in trouble. If Harald hadn't been in a movie theatre I would have called his cell phone to share the news. I was so proud.

Then Charlotte asked him, "What bad word?"

"S. H. I. T." he spelled it.

He spelled it!! I could hardly believe it. His inner voice was still talking and he was listening. I continued to play SNOOD.

Then it happenned. 4 year-old Charlotte started to sound out the word.

"SSSSSSSSSSSSS.....Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh......i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSS.....Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh......i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSS.....Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh......i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSS.....Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh Huh......i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"

Then she smacked herself on the head and began again.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....i i i i i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh"

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....i i .....Tuh Tuh Tuh"

then louder

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh....i i .....Tuh Tuh"

still louder

"Shhhhhhh....i ....Tuh Tuh"

even louder

"Sh... i .....Tuh Tuh"

then she got it

"SHIT!!!! What does that mean?"

For me, this was the parenting equivalent of clicking a square in minesweeper and having a number 8 appear. Any move I made was going to blow me to smithereens.

The only thing that saved me here was that she asked the question to Gareth. So he got to give her an answer.

"Charlooootttttte!! Don't say that. It's a bad word."

How wonderful for me that he had an age appropriate answer. More wonderful was that she did not counter with, "Why?"

What did I learn that day?

7 year-old Gareth really-truly knows better than to swear in front of me. (Hooray!!)

4 year-old Charlotte can visualize a word that she hears spelled and then sound it out. (We are sooooo doomed)

Gareth is prepared to help keep Charlotte out of harms way...even if that harm is mummy (this is a double-edged sword, to-be-sure)

Otis Redding had point. When you need to sit and rest your bones, you can just sit on that dock on the bay and watch the tide roll away. If I had entered a discussion about "swear words" I would have been carried away by a tsunami of questions. This was not a subject where I would have been able to wade in and test the water. I was not prepared to be all-in...but I had better get prepared soon.

You look like your brother

April 10th was the day after the Leafs won Game 1 of the best-of-seven series against Philadelphia. Charlotte dressed like I wished I could have...pair of jeans and a Maple Leafs jersey.

role playing for 4 year-olds

I remember getting my first pair of eyeglasses.

Lofty Goals

Sometimes you get into conversations with your children, and they don't end the way you might expect...

looking on the bright side

Charlotte asked me to sing her a goodnight song. So I begin to sing "When you wish upon a star" But she stops me and says she wants me to sing "Venus Kissed the Moon" by Christine Lavin. Charlotte really likes this song because we get to steal kisses from one another while I sing. Dutifully, I switch tunes and begin to sing "Venus..."

This evening Charlotte is full of questions and chat. I never did finish the song. The banter that replaced the song went like this.

Charlotte: Mummy? What is Venus?

Me: It is a planet that goes around the Sun just like earth does.

Charlotte: (gesticulating with upturned palms) Well of course Venus could kiss the Moon. The Moon is in *space* and Venus is in *space*

Me: You are right Charlie. The Moon and Venus are both in space.

Charlotte: Have people ever come back from space??

(I am curious about her motivation in that question...is she asking about alien abductions?...I resist the urge to ask an think it better to direct her to reality)

Me: Of course people come back from space. Remember the movie we saw at the Science Centre on the big screen. That movie was full of people who went to space and came back.

Charlotte: You mean that movie was real and not just pretend!!?!??

Me: Yes! That movie was *really* filmed in *real* space. Would you like to work in space one day?

Charlotte: You have to be very good in math to go to space. Right Mummy?? I'm good in math.

Me: So you really want to go work in space, or would you like to be a school teacher?

Charlotte: I want to go work in space. (she pauses thoughtfully and then adds brightly) But I will miss you Mummy!!

Is it possible to understand the inner workings of the mind-of-four-yearolds. What motivates them to say the things they do.

Clearly she doesn't think I will visit her at the office;-)

Yikes

3 times in the past 4 days Gareth has asked me about war. Specifically, he has asked me if daddy is going to get sent to war and get killed there. After the first 2 conversations I managed to convince him that Harald was not going to get sent to war. (I say with crossed fingers)

The most recent conversation had him asking about other men in our lives who are important to him...and if they were going to get killed in war.

He is *really really* afraid. And it appears that I will not be able to calm his fears, not even a little bit.

As one of my curling-mates said today, the most warlike thing he should need to worry about is whether or not his snow fort will provide adequate protection.

Today, like every other day, I was faced with my children growing and aging in ways outside of my control. I hate it when the day falls into the "be very afraid" category instead of the "would you look at that" category.

Sigh

Maybe we should listen to top 40 music in the car instead of Radio1

Double Sigh

Things kids say

The true reason I wanted this log was so that I had a place to record the jewels that often come out of my children's mouths.

Sarah Swinden is visiting with us today. There has been a great deal of giggling and general goofing going on. Sarah is 3.5 years older than Charlotte so has a *big* girls view on the world. Charlotte is doing her level best to be a good hostess and make Sarah feel at home. So....as Harald and I were hugging on the stairs, Charlotte said, "Ewww, mummy and daddy are falling in Monkey-Love"

In case you were wondering, we managed not to fall down the stairs as we laughed;-)

just a smidge

Harald and I were chatting with the cashier in the grocery store (and my children did not roll their eyes like I did when my mother did the same). During the course of this uproarious conversation, the cashier rhetorically asked if we were having fun. Simultaneously, we replied "oh...just a smidge"

Instead of pointing at me and yelling "Jinx-bag of chips" Harald asked "how big is a smidge, anyway?"

My reply, "just a little less than a smudge...kerning says so."

Sometimes I am not very good at hiding the geek within.